Twenty Six

This is a letter from the heart of a hopeless romantic
Once truly optimistic, ended up lost and frantic
I'm hopeless, I know this, I owe this to my past
Hard to focus with love and all the hocus pocus magic it casts
I'm so jaded that even when my heart races, it ends up last
My libido's on hiatus, now fear makes it beat fast
Never wore it on my sleeve, but I lost my heart again
It's become my fashion statement like I wear a "heart"-igan
Lovesick - no cure, not prescribed or over the counter and
I couldn't count the number of encounters I've hand on a hundred hands
With lies and deceit from others, lovers who cheat undercover
Then repeated even when I move on to another
And I get to thinkin things are pickin up off the ground
But I know somehow, some way, something will come knock me down
Foolish for thinking it'd be different in the first place
When you were forever forgetting shit right from the first day
Memory that slips so often that you forgot my birthday
And that's the type'a shit that hurts in the worst way
Now we're tryna understand misunderstandings and still failing
Left to question where we're even standing cuz it's ailing
Don't know how this happened or how to clean up this mess
Rewind a year back and wonder how I'm caught again in this stress
Back to that night when we lay up in the bed all calm off the sess
Til his phone buzzed beside me, screen read the name of his ex
It's well past 3am. What's she gotta say that she can't text?
Even then, he said they don't even talk no more.. Unless..
And that's how fast "I'll always be right here" becomes "on to the next"
Got me lying in bed crying, still trying not to fuck up my steez
But I'm bent knowing no other girl could hold you down like me
Sneakin the car out, middle of the night at minus twenty degrees
To drive to your house because you can't find your keys
At the end of the day I guess my judgement needs to improve
Because I took them for considerate, they did me for a loop
All I know is it's exhausting, all the nights we fight through
Bills and digit figures pull relationship triggers that shoot right through
Each other. One more false move and who knows what I might do
Saying things that ain't right, doing things to spite you
Look on your face is like "I don't know why the fuck I wifed you"
Truthfully, I wish you didn't cuz you're such a trife dude
I guess some niggas is bitch-made, their logistics is fifth grade
The boulders on their shoulders almost have them outweighed
But this was just a friendship, how did it go so wrong?
And how is it that neither of us know what's going on?
And how is it that neither of us know what to say?
Pachangas on the real, word to Loso's Way
Except now I'm thinkin I need to get on my solo way
Cuz I'm not liking how this has me feelin such a so-low way
Thought we were tight as a hymen, but look at the mess I'm in
So much for venting. This turned into an emotional rant, far prolonged
And this bottle's three quarters gone but please don't get me wrong
These drunken words aren't just sober thoughts, I've spoken them all along
The drunken thoughts are what could shake you, my sober mind's where the belong
This is what I get for wishful thinking, it's really time to move on.